Sunday, October 26, 2008

The OFG gives in to his dark side (OFG XXIV)

As sad as it may be to acknowledge, we all have a dark side. Even the sometimes-curmudgeonly OFG can bring it when it comes to giving into that side of himself. The good news, and I suspect we all consider it good news, is that the election in the United States is now barely more than a week away. Imagine...TV without every commercial break dominated by negative ads about people who you really don't want to know, anyway! The end of exaggerated ads about people you would not vote for if they were the only other resident on your semi-private desert island. Can we live without these?

YES. Oh, God, please, yes. In an effort to spew all the junk he has stored up over the last couple of months, here is the OFG, venting. If you are sensitive or easily take on other people's junk, skip to the next blog you enjoy and check this one out again another day.

Insanity -- Traditionally, it is defined as doing the same thing again and again, always expecting a different result. That is the nut of it: ignoring reality and pretending that wanting something else badly enough will make it come true. "Badly"...that's a key word, here.

Stupidity -- "Stupid" is, usually, an opinion, not a fact. Then, again, I have seen and heard speeches delivered by a political candidate who seems determined to prove me wrong.

Idiocy -- I think of idiots as a lot like stupid people, but maybe less attractive. Okay, that wasn't nice. Sue me.

Functionally incomprehensible -- Same political candidate mentioned above...does anyone even proofread her speeches??

Vetting -- A process by which one determines the viability of a particular action, stance, or selection. Please explain using simple examples and clear visuals so as to educate John McCain. On second thought, don't waste your time. It's not like he will run again when he is a hundred and eleventy-three.

Delusional -- A state of mind where one can claim, at the same time, to fully support someone while asserting that the same someone is the reason things are so messed up.

Alaskaziemer's -- An as-yet-not-fully-understood syndrome which seems to manifest in the making of extravagant claims on one's resume; being both a "hockey mom" and charging five-digit clothing purchases at Neiman's and Saks to someone else's account don't really ring true when presented together. I'm trying to be nice to make up for the idiocy comment.

McPain -- a very rare condition which is self-inflicted, usually by picking a partner who is so clueless that you were better off attempting the job alone, even when the job is two jobs.

McLame -- trying to do it by yourself when your clueless partner proves to be the anti-candidate. Pretending the two of you still get along with each other is a common symptom.

McBlame -- what senior aides within the McCain campaign are already doing, assigning fault for his disastrous campaign to anyone and everyone except themselves as they seek new jobs. When in doubt about which direction an election is going, follow the rats. They never go down with the ship, but they sure can tell you which one is sinking.

McDuck -- status of the lame-duck president and the simply lame candidate from his party for this presidential campaign.


Julie said...

This is the BEST list. I'm printing it out and sending it to my non blog reading (I know, the horror) family.

Rick Hamrick said...

I hope they enjoy it, Jules!

It was fun to do, and now I can get back to stuff which means more in the long run.

My fervent hope is that, two years from now, no one will be really sure who the governor of Alaska is apart from those who live there, any more than most of America knows who the mayor of Little Rock, Arkansas is. After all, the metro area of Little Rock and the entire state of Alaska contain about the same number of people.

Angela said...

LOVE IT! You just get better and better at this, Rick. McPain - that's what I've got from all this. I, too, am eager for it all to be over and for Obama to get to work.

Rick Hamrick said...

Angela--Colorado is ready, too. Obama drew more than 150,000 people yesterday, about two-thirds of it at a rally in Denver, and the rest in Ft Collins later in the day. The line to get into the secure area at the center of the CSU campus was two miles long. Finally, they threw open the gates and stopped doing security checks when it was close to time for the rally to begin.

My brother was at the Denver rally, and he was not even able to see the stage. That's how big the crowd was. The Civic Center in Denver is bordered by two busy streets which the Denver traffic cops were trying to keep open. They finally gave up, as the crowd simply grew to the point that it overflowed in every direction. The state Capitol building is across one of those streets, and the entire grounds of the Capitol were filled with people, as well.