Friday, August 15, 2008


[editor's note: The OFG is my alter ego, The Old Fat Guy. He is witty, deep-thinking, clear in as few words as he can manage, and in need of a hamburger. Usually, his posts will be collections of his thoughts briefly expressed on a dozen or so seemingly random topics. They will seem to be random due to their randomness. We now return you to the OFG...]


While great ills have come to many as a result of drinking alcohol, great children have come to some of them...often as a result of the same night some of the ills arrived.

Stay on the ride

I'm not sure what this means, but I see it in every amusement park in America. Could be a subtle reminder that, should you fall out and die during the ride, they will leak to the press info about that issue you had in 5th grade just to paint you as a known idiot. Not that they disliked you, but they have no desire to send your surviving family members a tribute made out of cash.

Our dark side

We all have one, and getting used to it is sure better for one's sanity than denying it exists. Ask any of the dozens of TV evangelists who were determined to be having relations with any variety of people/critters/inanimate objects while claiming they were only seeking to counsel them.

Rotten to the core

We're on a roll, here, huh? I can think of few more-biting criticisms than this one. Most people only are rotten in relation to an event, or emergence of their dark side (see above), neither of which are permanent conditions. Say this about someone, though, and you believe that their dark side is both their dark side and their kinder, gentler self. On their good days, they are not nice, no fun, and begging to be punched. Happily, these people are very rare.

Mystery of life

For me, the single-most engaging mystery is that I have no idea where I left my car keys. Once I find them, there will be the equally timely, "did I park on level B or level C?" followed, in due course, by, "Why am I here?" It's not that we don't think about the big mysteries of life, but that we first have to make sure we have eaten, gone to the bathroom, have a place to sleep, and gainful employment which covers the cost of all the above. Only then are we available for addressing the philosophy of life. It's supposed to be that way, I intuit: lots of mundane, with only the barest hint of the ethereal and mystical.


I so love this word, as it expresses so much, so quickly. "Where's John?" "Gone." "Where's the rest of the chocolate?" "Gone." "My youth, have you seen where I left it??" "You look as lovely as ever, my dear!" ["Gone" is not always the right answer, even when technically correct]


What we first describe as 'weird' will often fall into the area of the common-place once even weirder stuff takes it's spot.

Young people, these days

There are lots of ways that the newest crop of folks finishing college (or not) or at least high school (or not) fall short, but that's just in my opinion. I'm sure within the next 15 years or so they will begin to have similar feelings about the generation following them, culminating in a statement of disappointment at about the same time in their lives as, oh, this one occurs in mine.

Find the funny

This is a shortcut way of describing the requirement for humor in one's life. Trust me: some of the best laughs I have ever experienced were at funerals. If one can find the funny at the funeral of a loved one, it is always there to be found, regardless of the circumstance.

Hammers are not the only tool

While machinery will often become more cooperative if given a bit of hammer therapy, people usually won't. Remember that there is no cost to kindness, no price for patience, no tax on tolerance. Let people who need your help touch you, and you will be far the richer for it.


It turns out that yesterday is great for holding to fond memories, and total crap in guiding today's actions. Let today stand on its own. You will be better able to participate today without the baggage.

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