Four Word Self Help

Patti Digh has taken an interesting idea and turned it into a delightfully rich little book.

The concept: compile self-help directives which are exactly four words long. How much insight can be delivered in so few words? When I first heard about her intention, I tried myself to concoct four-word sentences which carried valuable insights into living a life. It's not easy to do!

She has succeeded in not only delivering great, impactful statements of such brevity, she has also used those statements to invite a deeper level of reflection.

One of Patti's strengths is her ability to offer up new ways of considering our daily lives, to step back and feel the implications of the decisions we make each day and the cumulative effect not only on ourselves, but on those with whom we interact.

Her professional background in diversity training and consulting informs her more-personal work, what began as essays written for her daughters years ago, became a blog, then a book (Life is a Verb), and now is an ongoing and ever-enriching journey which she has offered to open to anyone wishing to walk along.

On a personal note, it was three years ago today that Patti and I began corresponding as a result of a comment I left on her blog, 37days. I had dived in for the first time a couple of days before and read many of the existing essays, works she was posting once a week. She responded to a comment I left, and we still are in contact to this day.

It was my great pleasure to be an attendee at the first Life is a Verb retreat in September of 2008 and to meet Patti in person and play with her Circle Project partner, David Robinson. I wrote about that experience here and here.

Four Word Self Help is a little book packed with a great deal of the Digh magic, a wonderful adjunct and a complementary eddy to the main flow which started with Life is a Verb and continues next month with Creative is a Verb. While it is a delight to read on its own merit, I do heartily recommend reading it as a companion to Patti's other books, as they set a philosophical framework within which this little book carries even more weight.

Besides, Life is a Verb contains within its pages the only published illustration I have ever created. That, alone, is reason enough to get a copy and become a fan of the work of Patti Digh!

I live in Easy World

I have had a thought ripening in my head for a week, and I believe it is now time to let it burst forth.

Even as there have been times during the last month, as my wife and I have done all we know how to do in order to make the launch of her book Choosing Easy World as successful as our little Earth-bound selves could make it, that we have stressed out during the process, there have been long stretches of time when I have been flowing along without a care or concern, going about my chores in Easy World.

I do the family grocery shopping, usually with the largest amount of it done early on Saturday morning. A week ago, I drove to the grocery store where I start the odyssey--I shop at three stores on the average Saturday--because it is the one which opens at 6 a.m. and is virtually deserted at that hour. Plus, they are not stocking shelves as they are at my main destination store so it is less of an obstacle course.

What was unique about that drive to the store was that I did not stop all the way there. It's about four miles, and the route includes ten or more traffic lights. One, in particular, is always red if I make the three lights just prior to arriving at that intersection (hey, a computer guy has to do something with all that spare brain power when he is out of work! I track traffic signals and remember the patterns). A week ago, it was green. Heck, all of them were green either in time for me to breeze through or in time for me to slow a bit but not stop and wait.

It's exactly the kind of thing many people would miss! I noticed it because of my, uh, unique passion for such things, and because when you are in Easy World, you are much more aware of RIGHT NOW. You are not trapped in your past or wasting energy worrying about stuff which probably won't erupt into your life at all.

[Editor's note: Rick gets carried away by stuff most people find excruciatingly meh. Skip ahead if you are not fascinated by parking-lot pull-thru's]

Last week, in addition to my "make all the lights" experience, I noticed at my first stop as I drove into the parking lot that the parking place I chose was a pull-thru, which is an opportunity to pull into a spot and keep going so that you are in the spot which would have been occupied by a car facing toward you...only, there is no car there.

I like pull-thru spots because you are heading out, therefore no backing up is necessary when it is time to leave. I really don't like backing out of parking spaces in grocery-store parking lots. It's just scary, as I have thousands of pounds of metal under my control, and the pedestrian I might not see is vulnerable to significant injury if they don't see me coming and I don't know they are there.

At the first store today, I had parked in a spot, a regular spot, and expected to need to back out of it when I came out of the store. In other words, there was a car in the spot opposite me, meaning I could not pull on forward.

Lo and behold, when I come out of the store, the car which had been blocking me was gone. I had a clear path to pull forward, and then head on out of the lot without any backing needed.

Look out! The Hammer is in Easy World!!

Next stop, I see the same situation, in that the parking spot I chose has an occupied opposite spot. No problem! I'll get my stuff in the store, come back out, and the person will have left. I'm understanding all of this now. I have this figured out!

When I finish shopping, I come out to discover that the car blocking me is still there.

Oh, the agony! The car blocking me is still there.

I have fallen out of Easy World!!

Thank goodness I was able to let go of that initial impression easily. I had fallen for a Difficult World Dictator trick, which is to lure us into thinking that we are able to control/drive/predict exactly how Easy World will deliver the goods for us. Of course, we are not. If we fall for the trick and think we are in control, our first conflict with reality will sell us that the DWD was right. Life is not easy! It is hard, hard, really hard.

Wrongo, moosebreath!

Easy World is totally autonomous when it comes to playing out how something happens when we are there to witness it. Think about it! If the way to Easy World is paved with ALLOWING tarmac, you gotta know that allowing is a required action in order to stay put in easy, breezy, lemon-squeezy, twice-as-nonsneezy world.

That's where I had booted myself to the curb. I had decided that my first experience of the day, where the opposite car was gone when I came out, would be replicated at store # 2.

When my expectation wasn't met, when the car opposite was still in the way and I had to back out, I doubted at first. Practice in this tricky "allowing" thing made it possible for me to get over myself and continue on my route. Before I had traveled even six blocks, I was rewarded with another light sequence made which normally is red, and I noticed a traffic policeman on the side of the road awaiting speeders in time to make sure I was at a legal speed (not that good, law-abiding Rick would *ever* exceed the posted limit!).

Every single item on the grocery list my lovely wife had made was found with ease and acquired without the slightest difficulty. This is not always the case! Do you think it is easy to find free-range, organic spring mix? Most of it is grown in captivity, not allowed to roam. [grin]

Bottom line: Easy World thrives on residents which allow it to do its work, to provide exactly what is needed at exactly the proper moment with exactly no drama at all.

We are the source of all of our drama! When we allow our lives to unfold while, at the same time, holding to our passions and seeking their expression, we are in a sweet spot, a divinely designated place, a matrix I like to call Easy World.

Allowing, allowing, allowing

Anyone who stops by here more than once a year is aware that my delightful and exquisitely beautiful wife, Julia Rogers Hamrick, finished writing her second book quite some time ago. Through the quiet auspices of the very reality matrix which is the subject of the book, we found an agent, and then a publisher, and both in record time and without drama or angst.

Tomorrow is the culmination of the long journey from "We're under contract!" to "Look! You can buy the book at that store, right there, that very store!!"

August 3, 2010 will be a date which will be deeply embedded in our memories forever.

Choosing Easy World.

It's not only a book title, it is being in the very heart of an action, of choosing. Easy World is our phrase for being in the zone, being in the flow, being your Self and shining your light full-on. Choosing Easy World is deciding, consciously, to go to that place where flow is normal and miracles are everyday occurrences.

That's the coolest part of what Julia discovered three years ago, when she heard Easy World whisper to her at 4 in the morning as she tossed and turned. We can consciously choose to be there!

It is a good juncture at which to mention that Julia makes no claim to having created this stunningly joyful and peaceful reality. She simply rediscovered it. It has existed forever. In fact, it is the very infrastructure which supported the Garden of Eden.

When the Garden was no longer available to men and women, it was not gone or lost. It was waiting patiently for us to return. In Julia's first book, she discussed exactly how we can do that.

Now, with Choosing Easy World, we are given the tools and techniques, simple ones anyone can use, to facilitate that return.

I'm happy to point out that you can still sneak a peek at the book. For a few more days, you can read the first three chapters for free by giving us your name and email address. If you want to sign up, get the free chapters, and remove yourself from our mailing list, we're fine with that! Just click the link which we include in every message we send which allows you to remove your info from our list. We will be sad, but we will get over it.

It's up to you now. You can choose Easy World, even doing so at no cost whatsoever, or you can choose to keep doing things the way you have been doing them. If that's been working for you, great! If not, give Easy World a shot.

Michele Woodward: I Am Not Superwoman

Michele Woodward has compiled a powerful and intelligent look at life, at happiness, and how the two are actually quite compatible if given the chance to work together. Her book, "I Am Not Superwoman: Further Essays on Happier Living" is a collection of 40 essays written over the past couple of years which originally appeared on her blog, Life Frameworks.

Right from an early essay in this book ("Mama Ain't Happy"), Michele emphasizes the importance of being real with yourself in order to enjoy the fullness life has to offer. And, she got me right away by mentioning  "...my fabulous guy readers" who she enlists to help the women they love. I read lots of stuff written purportedly for women--the writers are often more willing to be vulnerable and advise from a place of cooperation rather than the Mount of High Advice Most Professional which many guys come from--and I appreciate it when the writer acknowledges the few who are reading who are not women.

Michele gets it. She understands that, while it is seldom spoken of, we all aspire to a greatness which hides our faults. She espouses a different greatness, one which exalts our strengths while acknowledging our weaknesses. Not Superwoman or Superman, just the happiest, most-fulfilled "us" we can be, and we get there by doing lots of what we love to do.

Here's the thing: Michele's version of great is sustainable. Any attainments built on a false impression are not. Michele's concepts are life-fulfilling and energizing. Coming from an invented persona is depleting and depressing. Pretty clear choice!

She includes essays on the Important, the Mundane, and the mundane things which turn out to be vitally important. What I love about this collection are the many ways of connection which are offered the reader. Different people will discover their own "Aha!" moment in different places within the covers of the book.

For me, the essays which address the topic of getting unstuck--and there are half a dozen which touch on this to a greater or lesser degree--proved to be the most helpful.

Still, the overarching message, and what I wish to close my little review by focusing on, is that fear is not where we must stop, but a road marker we can note as we fly right past it. Love is the destination, the fuel for the vehicle, and the connecting bond with all those close to us.

When we learn to become aware of how fear is controlling our decisions, we can face the fear which underlies the made-up nonsense we pretend is our justification, walk toward it to see its true, scaredy-cat nature, and become enamored with Love as fear's replacement in our lives. When we start in a place filled with Love, our choices are easier, less complicated, more powerful in moving us forward, and we can provision a happy life for ourselves and for those we come into contact with.

And, while this is not something Michele directly addresses, when I become happier and more fulfilled, I provide unspoken permission for anyone who sees or knows me to do the same. This is how things get better for all of us: one happy person at a time, influencing others to reach for that state by letting go of fear and becoming Love.

I heartily recommend Michele's new book, and if you are not already reading her blog, check it out. I read it regularly.

Life's Lessons

Have you ever noticed that people say, "Hey, wait a minute!" a lot when you deliver to them some news which is startling or otherwise impactful?

There's a reason! When we are faced with something unexpected, our natural response is to ask for a brief timeout as we consider the consequences of that event.

This is a wonderful lesson to learn: when faced with a challenge which is new or puzzling or causes severe brain cramping, first pause.

We each have two different systems which deal with the stimuli coming into us. One, the autonomic, processes things as close to the source of the stimulus as possible. Thus, we don't have to think about jerking a hand away from a hot stove--the nerves themselves create that jerk-your-hand-away response. No thinking needed.

When we are brought into a situation where the stimulus is less emergency-like and more a challenge to our cognitive brains to puzzle over, we have the luxury of deciding how much thought to devote to the issue and for how long.

Here's where experience comes in.

Once you have been through this event-processing procedure a few thousand times, you develop habits. With any luck, the habits are based upon what has worked for you in the past. It doesn't have to be that way. Some folks base their habits on what gives them some juice. In other words, they respond in a way which has, in previous occurrences, boosted their ego. That's fine, but it can easily result in a less-than-satisfactory conclusion when the attention is paid to ego instead of toward growth.

Let's say you are mature enough to see when your ego is doing its best to steer you one way, while your experience and considered thoughts take you another.

You will have learned that, all things being equal, your best decision is made as late in the game as you can make it. It's not about procrastination or inability to decide. It's about optimizing the amount of information you have in your hands upon which to base your decision.

Coming to this awareness, the acknowledgement that patience is rewarded, is usually not easy. Younger folks actually have brain function which includes their emotion centers in virtually all decisions, while folks over 30 tend to employ those areas of the brain less when the event under consideration doesn't warrant it.

It's no mystery, given the known physiological differences in brain function, that teenagers tend toward emotive responses, and their grandparents tend to smile ever so slightly and nod, and say something like, "It's not the end of the world. Next year, you won't even remember this crisis."

Where we are going in this little talk is to the place named Patience.

Patience is something which is qualitative and quantitative. There is a quality to the patience of the old person, the willingness to wait in peace, which is absent for most people who are younger.

Just as illustratively, folks who have been on the planet a long time tend toward being okay with awaiting an outcome, even if it takes a long time.

How does this apply as a life lesson for those who are just now beginning to ask questions about life?

It may not apply at all, as all advice from folks who, like me, are older than your parents and full of advice yet seldom find a willing and attentive audience, is subject to tossing.

On the other hand, you may read this and think, "Huh. There may be something to this."

For those of you who have had that thought, think it again, and then again. If you let it sink in even a little, it will help you a lot.

The inspiration to begin this new series (more info here as each post is born) comes from Abubakar Jamil, and thanks to him for being my Easy World agent even if he has never heard of it!