About ten years ago, I stumbled upon the work of a man who invested his life in play. I am not talking about someone who had fun as they lived their life. The is Bernie DeKoven I am talking about. The man is a monstrous force, benevolent of course, in the world of play. He rocks fun in a way both intuitive and academic.
Bernie and I hit it off. The miles between where our bodies resided did not get in the way.
At one point, I thought of a game he might enjoy, a game designed to be collaborative rather than competitive. He surprised me by asking if he could publish it on his website, deepFUN.com. It is my honor to be mentioned there. He named my game Drawing Together. It is the perfect name, operating on multiple levels. He compiled a list of on-line tools which make playing the game easy and fun for people on opposite ends of the earth. https://www.deepfun.
Bernie and I have been in touch less often in recent years, even as we still bump into each other on the interwebz now and again.
Bernie is fun in the simplest ways. When I explained that Julia and I were moving to North Carolina, putting the kibosh on any plans for a BernieThon in Denver, he replied, "Raleigh? Really?"
I was stunned and saddened when Bernie announced six months ago in his typical playful way that his gig on this planet was drawing to a close. I had not managed to get our physical presences colocated, and when he made his announcement, I deeply regretted never getting together in the real world. When I touched base with Bernie after learning of his illness, we both knew that sadness and playfulness are not mutually exclusive. I vowed to play on.
Bernie taught me that the joy of life underlies it all. As is the nature of life lived in an earth suit, we each deal with plenty of trauma along the way. Once we recognize that Love (the source of joy) is not defeatable, that it, in fact, is the very river down which we float as our days flow one by one, we are able to return to that place where all is okay now. It is okay now because it always was and will be.
Most recently here, I wrote about my wife's stroke and how we are accommodating her recovery as we discover our new center, our place we return to after each event which seemed troublesome at the time. I think of Bernie a great deal now. Knowing that he is facing his terminal illness with exactly the same grace and humor as he has faced each day, always expecting to find fun around the next bend of the river, is a source of inspiration.
Here's the thing: a life is not defined by the events which transpire. Oh, no. I seek each day to define my life by the creative ways I find the fun, plan space for play, jubilate in the joy.
Bernie has decided to stop writing and focus his days going forward on those he touches and who touch him, family and dearest friends. He leaves behind a wonderfully rich resource for anyone seeking to add fun to their lives, their workplaces, their theses.
You may not meet Bernie. Spend some time at deepFUN.com, and you will know him anyway.
Bernie, thanks for your guidance. I doubt I made it clear in those moments we played with each other, as those moments were fully engaging, leaving little self to cogitate on the value of such times. Let me be clear now: I love you, Bernie. Thank you with every chortle in my body, every giggle in my gut, all the belly laughs I can stand.
Bless you on your way. I hope to catch your show at some point down the river, my friend.
5 comments:
What a powerful, moving, and affirming post. What a fine tribute to Bernie.
Thank you for sharing it.
Bryan, thank you for commenting. When I wrote this in the middle of the night, my intention was to send it to Bernie. His decision to share it both surprised and humbled me. It is just the kind of generous gesture he makes all the time.
He is one of the most giving people I know.
Will you follow up with another post?
I am grateful that there are people like this, and that you are able to have a friendship with such a special person. Thank you for sharing this, Rick.
Bryan, I doubt there will be a follow-up. Never say "Never" still applies, though.
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